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the time has come   
06:35pm 06/03/2007
  If you're ready for a mindfuck:

also, today,
on a whim,
I bought tickets to DUBLIN
for St. Patricks Day,
with three amazing girls.


with plans to wear green dresses on the plane.
thank god for dirt ass cheap hostels and student discounts.

I am learning new meanings of adjustment and a temporary drop in anchor.
Things have a way of coming together when they need to.


all you need is
the strength
to let
take over.

I've moved.

It's time to resign my highschool online identity and embrace new versions of the self, mostly that aren't attached to stupid puns on the word "violent." haha.

add me at corduroytree.livejournal.com
soft and strong,
or something.
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sympathy post!   
06:40pm 22/02/2007
mood: all sorts of healing

So I had quite the mishap last Friday. It still looks like this. I've been telling stories that usually end up in some combination of roving gangs of pimps on bicycles, rabid dogs and burning orphanages. But, really, it was me against the streets. I took the first swing and the cobblestones of Leidesplein dealt the final blow to my temple, which has swollen into the nastiest black eye I've ever seen on another human, let alone my own face. The public reactions I've received range from blatant staring, to shudders to winks from busdrivers and outright laughter, usually from Irish men. The human condition is so diverse!! It's been the best social experiment I've ever conducted. I should be recording it. The saddest part was upon trying to go pick up my bicycle 3 days later, I discovered that the police had swiped it. So, another adventure to come trying to hunt down my beautiful, barely-broken-in wheels. Thank God I hadn't decorated it yet. haha.

Anyway, I send my facial woes to livejournal land seeking digital get well cards from my western loves. Other than this, things are all kinds of marvelous. I feel quite adapted already, even while lacking in the dutch language. The only thing I could do without is the rain, and I'm no stranger to winter drizzle. Godspeed Spring! Long live the green city under sea level! Come visit me if/when you can!

another angle:
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uh, endorphins!   
07:24pm 14/02/2007
  I bought a bike yesterday and I think I can say without exaggeration or doubt it's the best 100 euro I'll ever spend. whole new definitions of liberation, with the wind carrying my hair and worries miles behind me. all i wanna do is RIDE. I'm in all kinds of states of falling in love with this city and I can already feel the dread pooling up around at the prospect of having to leave eventually. As soon as the weather actually starts turning everything and the flowers start blooming and the flea markets stay open longer, I know that I will want to plant my feet forever. I suppose there are worse things to happen to a girl.

In any case, I am happier than I've been in years. Mostly, I think it's a sweet combination of not having to share a fridge with 15 other people, shoveling in all the knowledge that I can keep down, learning to live on the edge of the moment and finally, pumping endorphins through my system and taking completely new smells.

postcards should always be cheaper to send, but they're not here so I will resolve to write long letters again.

I miss WA, but I am happy that things have turned out the way they have.
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for all those love letters you've been meaning to send:   
11:21pm 09/02/2007
mood: a new level of happy
Erin Burrows
Stavangerweg 312
1013 at Amsterdam
The Netherlands

also, I've been sending silly update emails. If you want these, and you're horribly offended I didn't think of adding you in the first place, just email me at eburrows@slc.edu and I'll send my deepest apologies and most of my secrets your way.
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to be level with the clouds   
10:51pm 11/12/2006
  four days left of new york for awhile for me. well, not quite so true - I'll be back for a quick hello before i scoot across the ocean in search of all I'm made of. It has been a beautiful weekend, full of all of the things I wish I had had all year - a community, a family, a sense of belonging etc etc. I walked for a long time in the city last night, feeling out the energy in the dark, surprising myself with not getting lost in alphabet city. I guess after 2.5 years, there is a certain grace that comes with navigating the city. It was warm for mid-december. I am thinking about packing but not quite ready to pull books from shelves and into bins to be found again next Fall. I am not a light packer and this whole wanderlust business is forcing me into it. But my plans are solidifying through flights and accomodations and day dreams of saturated with the unknown. I am fleeting, I know, but I feel that there are no other options but to let myself go in this new and strange way. I have a feeling, whether or not it is true, that everything that is worth holding onto will remain where I left it when I return. But time has a way with things, doesn't it? I turned in one of my two fatty papers, and I have my first final of my college years on thurs. I seriously have absolutely no study skills, so we'll see how that works out.

Chicago has become the closest thing to a home I have these days. My wonderful, beautiful Grandma is turning 70 on Thursday and I'm going to the schmancy birthday teaparty friday evening. I am looking forward to my sis and I being in the same house for more than three days. maybe stealing the car and drinking beers in the garage and laughing until our teeth ache. After x-masness, and family overload from one end, I'm going to be working in New Orleans for a bit (commongroundrelief.org) from dec. 28th-jan. 8th and then skipping over to Atlanta for a few days to explore the deep south with my little bird, Michelle. and then I am off to recover lost tan lines in the Yucatan with my Mum and her new beau. and then, of course, the second semester should arrive and I will have eager passport in hand and not nearly enough money to make it through our collapsing dollar. It'll be fine though, it'll be far more than fine, actually. Strange how things work themselves out in such unrelenting succession. If it had come all at once, it would have been overwhelming - but this swell, this build, it is moving, and I am letting it move me.

plans plans plans.
let me know if you want postcards. I found like 40 stamps the other day, and I am sure the nights will be long.
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the future has claimed itself   
06:12pm 16/11/2006
mood: i can smell it already
It's been a long while since I've had an honest post. Maybe I'll throw myself back into an online community. Good news came my way today - come spring I will find myself standing in front of scenes such as:



and so, begins the journey. Begins the healing. Begins the peacemaking with the self. I have had a rough past few days, but I am slowly pulling my shit together and this is certainly helping. Amazing how something to look forward to changes everything about the current state of things. A new taste of the meaning of liberation.
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04:47pm 09/11/2006
mood: legal
hello, birthday!
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Mail Art Call - We All Bleed (Period.)   
05:01pm 28/09/2006
Any Medium, Any style. postcard size, dealing with menstrual cycles - celebration, frustration, disgust, pride.
The first one, the last one, skipping them, the relief or pain associated.
Women and Men welcome to participate.
Must be received by Nov. 1st, 2006.

All entries will be hung at Sarah Lawrence College's
student art gallery - ASPACE, at the Menstural Art Show, on Thursday Nov. 9th.
All participants will recieve reciprocal art piece.

Part of the Gender Fuck Symposium - a week long series of programming to challenge gender assumptions, roles and stereotypes.
Please send submissions to:

Erin Burrows
Menstrual Art Show
1 Mead Way
Bronxville, NY 10708

Thank You!
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where the deer and the antelope play   
11:43am 29/12/2005
mood: readjusting, as always
So, surviving the 20 hours of failing-windshield-wipers-in-the-rain adventure road trip from the depths of LA, I'm back in the homestead. Well, kind of. The homestead now consisting of a blow up mattress shared between my sister and me in the guest bedroom of my mum's place. Christmasness was full of pleasantries. Some version of family tradition always grounds me enough to make me see that not all is lost through the turbulence of rapid change. In the mean time, I have a town full of some of the most beautiful people on the planet only mere phone numbers and short drives away. High school reunions are always a silly fun time. Characters! These two weeks will be about flexibility and flow and making the most of everything. You know the digits, make it happen. I will too.
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plans, stanley   
12:04am 08/12/2005
mood: caffeinated
last weekend was so intensely life changing I don't think I'm even capable of articulating it. So, I won't.
god damn, life has a silly way of taking unexpected turns. Occasionally these things magically fall into place in some glorious higher order of the undeniably good. My summer plans are materializing and I am ECSTATIC. Eric and I are planning on planting our feet in Tacoma for the season - scoring cheap student housing and banking on my Aunt's connections all over the city for jobs. I plan on buying a car so that we can travel with ease up and down the I-5 corridor of my favorite corner of the world. We'll be conveniently located in the middle of the state, between our treasured lovelies north and south. Oh! It gives me enough energy to plow through the next week and half with vigor and confidence!

But before summer comes spring and before spring comes winter. and I! Will! Be! Home! So! Soon! "Home" meaning Chicago, LA, a quick stop in San Fran, finally Vancouver, then back to LA and returning to NY. But none the less, I anticipate my departure from the east coast for a good while. Snow is so tedious after the first day. But in new winter boots and quirky mittens, I'm enjoying it considerably more than last year. regardless, as soon as I tackle these last looming assignments, I will be free as little bird to come flapping westward.

Back to knocking out papers one by one.
I could take this paper with one hand tied behind my back,
but really, it would just take me longer to type it
and wouldn't prove much.
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07:56pm 30/11/2005
mood: wonderous
god damn today is a good day. I think once a semester I get blessed with one of those oh-holy-shit-this-is-exactly-why-I'm-here days, full of good feedback and activism and new ideas and spreading the good word. Uh! Do you ever feel hyper-productive in a few hours and feel like you could stomp any task? Plus, tomorrow it's december and it's like 65 degrees out. and despite the evidence of global warming and impending apocolapse, I'm pretty pleased. The only negative is that I came home to a broken window last night and found the rocks on my balcony this morning. I'm going to pretend it was a romantic gesture and someone couldn't find small enough pebbles to win me over. But I hung a bird feeder and prayer flags from the railing, and every morning is filled with little fluttering lovelies and color. anyway, things are pretty damned good. I have some work to knock out, but it's less than I was expecting and I feel confident enough. also! the transcontinental tour begins in 16 days, and good god, I am ready to visit all my versions of home.

protein, caffeine and love make erin go go go.
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turkey liberation   
03:18pm 27/11/2005
mood: drowsy
after 2.5 Thanksgivings, I don't think I'll eat for a week.
But oh, they were marvelous, and the company divine.

nothing is turning out like how I'd imagined it might be.
however, in the end this might be preferable.
Suspense is everything!

and now, after shipping my favorite love back to his snowy homestead, I have an ugly sunday all to myself and the mountain of homework accumulating under my bed. It's time to begin that last sprint at the end of the semester. I think I have fucked myself quite royally, but if I start chipping away at it now, I might be able to pull through.

at what age do you start taking christmas cards seriously?
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birthday week concludes   
12:52pm 13/11/2005
mood: run on sentences
I think the celebrating has come to a full close.

it's easy to forget how many people you care about until a good gaggle of them are in one room and singing happy songs with your name in them while dressed like birds.

now, I don't feel like moving under the weight of how much work I have to do, and I am wasting the day away eating kiwis and watching clips of the daily show online. sunday! god damn! you make everything move so slow, but I never get anything done.
I am waiting impatiently for romantic carriage rides in central park under late november trees and making another Thanksgiving dinner away from home, but still surrounded by chosen family.

there is no heat in my room and I wear sweaters to bed.
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11:57am 09/11/2005
mood: successful
officially accomplished two decades worth of living.
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pre-celebration birthday weekend!   
09:53pm 07/11/2005
mood: patient
so my Mamma flew in for a pre-birthday road trip to Providence to see what it had to offer

oh, she's excited!
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

and thanks to an early digital camera bday present from my Papa, I share with you a:
montage of Eastern adventuresCollapse )

oh, friends and lovers afar. A birthday just isn't a birthday when you're away from (quite disenfranchised, but a home none the less) home. Despite this, I exit the years of the teens in less than 24 hours. I don't think this necessarily means adolescence is over, and god forbid it means that the years of adult hood will commence. So, in anticipation for new awkward numbers, I'll enjoy my last full day of being a "teenager".
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panty hose   
07:47pm 20/10/2005
mood: silly happy
Just came back from the Queer Gayla Art Show where some of my drawings and a painting were shown. I am dressed fancy and feeling good. It's so nice to do art. Thank god for my upbringing at VSAA. I need to write letters to big heads in the Vancouver school district and articulate how vital my education at the arts school is to my over all sense of well being post-graduation.

Then I hookah-ed with some strangers on the lawn, which is always so pleasant. made me nostalgic for the house on k street and basement chill parties. but, good memories are reliable! and I have plenty.

My good friend Ben dropped out of college, and so tonight we celebrate his liberal art liberation.
It's sad, actually. But, all have the freedom of choice! It's easy to feel like you're trapped, but really, on most accounts, the self is the only thing holding a self back. I have to remind myself of this from time to time and make sure that this is the place I really want to be. It is. I'm having a super heavy poli-sci year, and it's making my brain spin in circles. It's a good spinning. Like merry go rounds or roller skating. Not like I can't remember how many shots I've had and the ceiling is a turntable. not like that at all.

anyway, girl crushes make life interesting.
chosen families make life complete.
boy love makes life beautiful.
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04:03am 15/10/2005
mood: intricately fine
strange evening of random run-ins and flittering conversations touching on all that's been on my mind lately. well, good meaty chunks of my mind lately, anyway. a fate night! delightful that the rain paused enough to make me want to stay out late and deepen connections with people that fascinate me. I find that the more freedom I have, the more I want to regiment myself - eat better, sleep better, read better etc. etc. all things work in equilibrium like this, though. I like picking up on how people see things differently. sometimes all it takes is a fresh perspective to get awake again. I saw the Blow again tonight. how good it is to get sweaty and feel completely liberated to move in anyway the rhythm takes me. There is a skunk in the gutter that is beautiful, though (s)he is sprawled and soaked and stinks up half a block. If emma were here she would help me bury it. instead, I feel like a weirdo having sympathy for a patterned rodent and ignoring the 41,000 bodies mauled in Pakistan. Well, not ignoring. But what's a white, over privileged american girl to do? (facetious) But really, I do feel at a loss when the earth is obviously purging the human race from her body. Her immune system finally kicked in, and she is rumbling up all of the tidal waves and hurricanes and earthquakes she can muster until we learn to treat her better. I really believe that, and it's not just the obscene hippie bullshit I've been gobbling up lately. anyway, until the end comes, I plan on spending my time eating bagels and reading pop fiction and waiting for the next time I can feel this good with such simple pleasures. like the weather clearing. like good friends late at night. like sleeping on a foam pad and having the smell of my lovely still being embedded in my pillow.

I decided to write in a big block and not separate my ideas.
It won't happen again.

I need new user pics, these are horribly dated.
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autumn update   
01:25am 13/10/2005
mood: the internet steals your time.
a return from my somewhat unintentional livejournal hiatus

things are bizarre and keep me on my toes
nothing is the same as it was 12 months ago,
I read a quote recently that went something along the lines of
change being the only thing we can depend on in life
and this much, is true.

but school got good and hard and it keeps me busy. I drink a lot of mint tea and send lots of postcards and read silly 1960's housewife erotica and watch HBO series on dvd and try to keep my think-thinkers together enough to paint a far more detailed picture of the one I've been piecing together lately. It's been rain-raining for days on end and the trees are so weighted with water that the branches are touching the ground! I have a balcony and a view of the trees from my bed and good warm friends here and there and a boy I adore in the same state as I, so things are pretty damned excellent when it all boils down.


anyway, an important question for my most brainy friends and lovers:

when one dreams vividly of the dead,
is it the living subconscious reaching out to the dead
or the dead reaching out to the living?

try and answer, please.
disturbing dreams lately.
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take my things away   
11:39pm 13/08/2005
mood: minimalism
too many things have gone on lately, I won't bother making long winded lists. however! important news!

I'm here to report, announce, beg you all to come out to Ridgefield tomorrow and take the remnants of moving sale items for FREE. besides, it's probably the last chance you'll have to see me for another six months or so AND it's a little piece of Erin for the bargain price of a short drive north.

19516 NW 30th Ave
Exit 9 off I-5
straight through the light onto 10th Ave
turn left at Shorty's Nursery (199th St.)
ride the roller coaster hills
turn left onto NW 30th Ave

follow the giant hot pink signs
it'll be worth it!!!

whatever you don't take off our hands is seriously getting thrown out.

I should be there the majority of the day save a few delivery runs
(360) 241-9790 if you get lost.
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fighting and figuring.   
12:57pm 14/07/2005
mood: impatient for the unknowns
my god it's difficult to hold onto friendships after the security of the day to day contact. summer is half over. I miss mind fuck of good classes. Unfortunate the way that brain functions! missing things as soon as we are away from them. loving them briefly, and then again missing the things we are away from.

In four weeks or so, my family will be quite scattered all over the continent. this, is turning into a dull throb and not an open sore as it has been. I'm packing up ALL of my belongings and sending them to dark basements until years in the future where I have some kind of a more-permanent residence. unless there's a fire. which may be more liberating than tragic, all in all. this is strange thinking, but another step in the way things are. I need good friends/cheap beer time. I need grass laying, book reading, sun bathing time. Luckily, my last day at work is next thursday, which will free up some time and energy.

Tentative plans: prepare to leave, again. eric's farewell party soon. flying to IL on July 27th, will be there until Aug. 11th. at this point, there are some pretty vague time lines going on where I will probably drive to CA with my Dad and end up flying back to NY from LA.


words are clumsy, awkward, limited and are getting harder and harder to find and put together in any graceful or accurate manner. this, is leading to limited writing which makes my brain feel a little like mush but more along the lines of fossilized wood.

too many unknowns to not be flexible, I suppose. isn't that how it always is?
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